This exercise started to get me thinking about my relationship to sketchbooks past, present and future. In the coursebook, the Tutor had collated a number of questionnaire responses to the above question. My task was to read through them and highlight comments that related to me now, and highlight in another colour those comments I would like to apply to me in the future.
Some of the selections below are partial quotes, as I pulled out the aspects that were relevant to me.
The Present
Initially I was daunted but [I am] rapidly becoming more comfortable
I struggle with it. I’m still trying to find a way to interact properly with it.
I am always in a rush to try and start out my piece and I feel like my sketchbook is a waste of time.
I don’t love it however it’s like an arm or leg it’s extremely useful I think about what things to include in it etc to show how my thinking developed.
I don’t use it as diary or journal like some people I use it as a tool to progress ideas etc.
It varies depending on my mood. Sometimes I feel like it mocks me, other times it encourages.
Love hate. I get bursts where it is intensive and then bouts of apathy. This is due to long working hours ...
... When I am creatively blocked they stress me out. A full sketchbook is enormously satisfying; ...
... I’m not very faithful. I want to be, but other stuff gets in the way, ...
Hit and miss! I sometimes struggle with sketchbooks and know I should do more.
The Future
The sketchbook as a place for experimenting, to show process and ideas. A place to experiment and not to feel restricted.
It helps me think.
... I like to keep them, but I try not to fetishise them as objects. I’m not precious about them.
It’s a tool that helps me develop observational skills that I am poor at.
... They function as a mirror, allowing me to see what I might otherwise just feel.
I am very proud of it and it is always with me.
Observations
I notice that at the moment there is a lot of internal conflict about my relationship to sketchbooks. I have not yet been able to understand the sketchbooks of others that seem overly diary-driven or 'arty', but feel a pressure on me that that is what is expected. I am definitely coming more to terms with what it means to me, but there is still a way to go.
This tension causes anxiety, freezing-up and shame. It blocks my ability to be as creative as I would like, and to free myself up to experiment more. I'm working on it.
I find my future selections quite interesting. There is a strong message of letting go of judgement. Experimentation does not need to be overtly 'arty', and creativity can be matter-of-fact. There is a purity in that. I sense that where I want to get to is a place of unconscious acceptance. To just do, be creative or just plan things out and not care about what anyone thinks. Just. Do.
I think that there is a place for me, however, to help me capture and rationalise the struggles I face with my mental health. I don't think that one of my three selected sketchbooks is that place, but I think I would like to explore something in a more journal-esque sketchbook. Perhaps one that can fit in my pocket?
The other thing I want to really practice is some good old-fashioned observational drawing. I am writing this having just come back from my holiday, and I have tried to use my watercolour sketchbook to do observational sketching. Over the holiday, and took my small sketchbook two to try and find small opportunities to use it. I would like to continue using the watercolour book for observational work, so will make some notes there to remind me. My A4 book is still blank while I finish using my existing creative sketchbook. I think this is a good place to note where I am (and how I feel) with sketchbooks right now, and to help remind myself that it's OK to just do.
Sketchbook Response
The exercise also asked me to to make a response to the post's initial question, so here is where I went:
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