I have been anxious about my sketchbooks. Part of the feedback from the first assignment was to make use of my sketchbook/s more and explore mixed media.
My tutor gave me specific resources in her feedback. They were suggestions to get inspiration about sketchbooks and how people use them. I ended up buying one of these as a way to address my growing anxiety.
The sketchbook examples in the book were diverse and compelling. But got the impression that the book’s examples were those of established artists, not students. They were all explorations around the artists well-developed style and techniques. What I liked about the book is that it seemed to give me permission to ‘do me’. It didn’t matter how I used a sketchbook, as long as it was useful.
And this is also where the anxiety I have comes from. Every example of student sketchbooks I see seem to be eclectic, manic and frivolous. I hate to use the term ‘arty farty’ but it’s the only way I can express what I see. Where are the sketchbooks which are ordered or utilitarian. Where is the contrast?
I don't think I use my sketchbook in a perfunctory way. But now I experience pressure for it to be overly ‘arty’, throwing down paint and marks for no reason at all. Gluing in random things almost for the sake of it.
I have this building sense of conflict in me. I don’t get a lot of time to sit down and sketch (more’s the pity). And I usually have to fit it into my lunch break and (if I am lucky) my commute. I don’t have the capacity to carry around an eclectic paraphernalia of mixed media. I can just about get by with pencil and ink.
So now I feel pressure to randomly throw in leaves I have picked up, old sheet music that I stain and write over. Deep and meaningful phrases. Huge swathes of paper filled in with a variety of pastels, acrylic and gouache. Not to mention the obligatory collage that contemplated the nature of parallelograms.
I like to explore in my sketchbooks, and I have definitely found an outlet to manage my mental health. But gluing in swatches of lace and hair clippings all bound in taffeta is not me. But it feels like this is what assessors are looking for.
How do I reconcile my need for authenticity and the need to earn a good assessment? I am pulled in different directions.
Comments