So after all my exploratory work, I felt I had a good bearing on what I wanted to produce, and how I might create it. I looked back over my portrait studies and assimilated things I wanted to take from the different bits of work. I tried to listen to my intuition and feel as much as think through this part of the process.
Things I noticed:
There are angular elements I like, and I tend to construct the head by looking at the biggest prominent angles first. However, I don't tend to have a favoured mark-making 'shape'.
I appreciated letting go and making looser and more gestural marks.
I also realised there was a space to be wild and free, which can always be tempered, focused and refined using layering.
I work well with layers.
I seem to be good at observing eyes, and having crisper detail in this area helps with likeness.
Dry media was interesting to use but didn't seem to gel with how I like to work.
I am developing a favoured palette of colours which can produce vibrant as well as realistic work.
I really love the 'juicy' feeling of acrylics/oils, and the ability to play as you put paint down. Sometimes you happen upon the right stroke/effect. This was surprisingly freeing, not having to plan my stroked all the time.
I also benefited from a 'think twice, paint once' mantra to really stop and notice colour and tone before I executed.
I tend to like using thick linear brush strokes, you can even see it in my first graphical study of Loius Smith.
I had reached out to people I know to inform them of the project I was going to complete, and my need for 'sitters'. I really wanted my portraits to be of people with neurodivergent brains and so polled people from different communities I am involved with. I purposefully didn't ask other OCA students. I have found through others' experiences that this can be murky water to tread. Additionally, I didn't want to reveal my alter ego (inevitable when sharing my learning log) until I had already made significant progress.
Whilst this assignment has a minimum (and recommended) number of hours to spend on it, I was certain that my need to do this project in the way it deserved was more important. So I have myself a little under three weeks to produce as many portraits as I could from the seven sitters I had canvassed. I knew that life would throw in its usual constraints and distractions, and I was confident that this window of time was enough to produce enough work. It also stopped me from letting time run away and gifted me an artificial deadline to create a sense of urgency.
Portrait One - David Papa
For this first portrait, I had to discover my approach for the first time. This was trickier than I had expected. For the other studies I had a defined brief, so it was easy not to worry about the approach. Now I was left to my own devices I didn't know where to start.
I had decided that I would use oils for the portrait and felt confident enough using Rebelle 5 to get a realistic experience and result digitally. Looking at the canvas was a bit intimidating, so instead, I spent time with my reference photos. They were wildly different for David and I was not sure how to capture what I saw as his essence. It made me think of my own 'inner world' and masking, and that gave me the idea to somehow explore each subject's inner world as some kind of duality in the painting.
I had the idea to have a main portrait, but then have a smaller background portrait exemplifying a different aspect of the sitter, maybe one that not everyone sees. I didn't realise it at the time, but this choice was also in keeping with the project's theme of 'imagination' as an exploration of our internal mental worlds.
I decided to tone the canvas with a bold ochre colour. This immediately made me feel better to have the canvas covered. I sketched the composition out directly on the canvas with a small filbert brush. Once I had the key lines and planes mapped out, I started to create an underpainting using large flat brushes, opting for very colourised versions rather than natural tones.
The focus at this stage was to observe and capture large areas, getting values in place so that I could work out where to add more detail and refine the likeness.
There was a lot I liked about the coloured underpainting, but I was not confident that, when it came to refining things, I'd be able to make the colours work. What I wanted was something that felt like a flesh tone, even if there was different colour involved. So I took a break and worked out how to approach the challenge. I knew how I would approach it if I was, say editing a photo. Then it hit me - well why don't I just take the same approach?
What was I holding on to? Some kind of perfectionism shacking me because I was worried that I had to be a martyr, and suffer for my art. Well, Spindrift doesn't care about that. He uses lots of tools to get the end result he wants. That means, if I am using digital tools, it's perfectly fine to play with them! I know artists will often create a colour and/or value study when preparing for a painting. I could do this too, but rather than do it on a scrap of paper or board, I could do it digitally.
I used the reference photo and adjusted it digitally, using filters and lighting adjustments to achieve a similar colourisation, but with a greater sense of natural flesh tones.
Looking at the underpainting, I made the decision to keep the colourised background portrait as it was and instead would concentrate on the open eye to add enough detail. I felt that the loose feeling to the rest of this part was actually working pretty well.
Letting the underpainting dry, I started the next layer, using the photo reference to lay down the portrait. I started with large flat brushes and then moved down to softer filberts and then smaller round brushes when I wanted to concentrate on more detailed areas. Really being able to 'see' the colours in isolation helped me to learn how the colours change across the head. I got a real sense of how our brains can trick us into how they perceive light and colour.
The colour rough gave me more inspiration on how to render the background. I used large sponges to add blocks of colour down, as well as large flat brushes, which were loaded heavily. Both of these processes added texture to the piece. I largely left the green face untouched, apart from rendering the eye in more detail. At this stage, I didn't feel like I had fully captured David's nature.
Not sure what to do, I decided to play. To start I added a quote from David to the right-hand side in contrasting pink. Feeling even more playful, I wondered what it would be like to work reductively with the paint - like I had done when using charcoal. So I scraped back into the paint, adding shapes.
I was looking for some symbolism to add to the painting, remembering David's story. I chose the Maori Pikorua, which symbolises the strength of relationships on our pathway through life. I felt that this really captured a big part of David, and scraped it into his forehead, allowing the original underpainting to 'glow' through. I then scraped another quote into the background. I really enjoyed this very intuitive expansive part of the process and realised that it meant a lot to me. Standing back and looking at the painting I decided to add a sense of energy around David - perhaps a kind of aura. I am not sure how well that experiment works, but I was happy that the painting was good enough to be done.
I shared the painting on my Spindrift Instagram and with David directly. Pleased with my starting effort, I quickly started to think about portrait two.
Portrait Two - Frances Khalastchi
Knowing how much the digital colour rough helped me, I started there straight away, using the time to help with image selection and composition as well as the colour process itself. I again decided to go with a colourised background image and a more filtered main portrait.
In order to make them work together, I had to think about lighting sources to make them feel like they both occupied the same space.
I was inspired by the amazing colour of her pupils - an amazing yellow and green combination. I used this as a basis for my colour choices in the painting. In the background photo, Frances is wearing really vibrant makeup, and I wanted to try and incorporate that somehow. I decided that one way could be by toning the canvas in the same vivid pink as the lipstick in the reference photo. I then started to add the underpainting - starting with drawing with painting directly onto the canvas and then blocking everything in roughly.
When doing this underpainting I decided to incorporate a palette knife as well as a large flat brush. I had never used a palette knife for painting, only for mixing, and thought this was the perfect chance to experiment (even if only digitally). I loved using the palette knives so much! I started to lay down a thick underpainting. I loved moving the paint around and discovering the kind of marks I could make with this new tool.
Once dry, I started to lay in a more detailed painting layer. I loved how the paint went down on top of the impasto of the underpainting. I had to learn where to add detail, and where to leave the roughness of the layer below. It can be so tempting to try and make everything realistic, and I had to try and remind/teach myself to use gestural marks that give the right impression of what I was trying to convey. To trust the viewer's brain to fill in the gaps. I experimented with different brushes and tried the rake brush for a section of the hair. Mostly though, I focused on tightening up the eye, nose and mouth as focus points.
Next, I did the main portrait. With its shifting light and colourisation, this was particularly tricky. I found that the hair worked better with more gestural rough strokes. I concentrated on the detail of the eyes, nose and mouth again. I tried to see shapes and actual colour and inherently distrusted my brain, which always tried to get me to render what it thought something looked like (rather than what was actually there). I loved leaving the jumper really rough. In my research, I noticed how experienced portrait artists use hard and soft edges to focus the viewer's gaze where they want it.
Lastly, I felt like the background needed more, so I included the vibrant blue of the eyeshadow in the reference photo as well as a little more of the pink. Lastly, I added a much lighter value to the background, which helped to create better contrast.
I loved making this painting, I think it really shows different sides to Frances' personality. Her ability to be vibrant, dynamic and wild alongside her extraordinary compassion and sensitivity.
Portrait Three - Matthew Bellringer
Matthew had given me three selfies as reference photos. They were, largely, the same post with different expressions. It would be hard to incorporate the 'inner world' device I had created for this series.
Fortunately, Matthew does a great podcast which he also films. I spent time re-watching old episodes, looking for moments when different sides of his personality would shine through. I was really looking for something that captured his amazing curiosity. Fortunately, during one of his conversations, I noticed this fleeting moment where it really shone through. It was a complete micro-expression: blink and you would have missed it. I managed to capture the frame when it happened and used that new image as my second reference. I incorporated both of my references and created my colour rough, which you can see above.
I decided to experiment with a canvas toning trick that I had used before with my plein-air landscapes: creating a sort of glow or halo effect which can then affect the painting above it. Once the canvas was prepared, I used palette knives and thick flat brushes to lay in the underpainting. I was getting into a groove with what was emerging as 'my process', so felt a lot more comfortable with what I needed to do. When I stopped and noticed, I realised how much fun I was having, and how free I felt, I was feeling my choices way more than thinking about them. And presenting my work to the world as Spindrift was making a massive difference in my attitude. I noticed a greater sense of growth mindset, playfulness and optimism.
I was really fighting with the background. I was not sure what to do with it, so I leant into "what would Spindrift do?" and the answer was a resounding "mess around, of course!". So I leant into the intuitive play, adding words, motifs, and scraping in a symbol I experimented with rendering the rear set of spectacles by scraping them away, and this seemed to work really well.
Once dried, I added the detail layer to the portraits, achieving a good likeness for both.
But the background still didn't work. I was really fighting with it. The lucky thing about doing things digitally is that it's really easy to view your work in black and white, which is a really useful way to check your values (You can do this with real paintings using your cameraphone in black and white mode!). The background didn't allow for enough contrast and was fighting for attention. I had to knock it back somehow.
Looking back to the original reference photos, they were actually quite muted and cold. I wondered if I could use this attribute. I started to add back in some greys. I thought that it might work if I simplified the background into a set of abstract shapes. Their alignment would still be interpreted as perspective. This worked, and so I went through an iterative process of adding in more muted background colours, touching up the main portraits and exploring flashes of colour inspired by the painting and the background reference.
I think this portrait ended up coming out really well, and I was glad to share it on my social media. Matthew really liked it which is the biggest compliment and may use it as part of his work in the neurodiverse space.
Portrait Four - Alex Brooks
Alex is a dear friend and I really wanted to get this portrait right. I think that sense of expectation actually made this portrait less successful in some way.
Alex works with permaculture, landscape design and sustainability, so I wanted to somehow capture that earthiness. She is an incredibly grounding person to me anyway but also funny, kooky and caring.
I tried to create a colour rough that had warmer tones, as well as capturing her nature. The background picture is one she identifies as really capturing her inner self. For the main portrait I used a photo I snapped of her the last time we caught up. I think there is a sense of thought and cheekiness about it!
For the canvas tone, I used a far more traditional colour close to a raw sienna. Then I moved to the palette knives and flat brush to block in the underpainting. I had chosen a light custard yellow for the background this time and used the scraping technique again to lay out the rearmost spectacles. By the time I had finished the underpainting, I was not happy with the background, but I decided to focus on the details first - my plan was to then review it once the details had been rendered. I could then make a more informed choice.
I think that the details this time were successful. I particularly got the hand of using rake brushes for hair and then using a small liner brush for the odd individual hair. From a distance, it makes a big difference in the realism and readability, but up close there are not as many brush strokes as you might think.
Thinking back to my portrait of Frances, I remembered how successful it was to pick out accent spot colours and also to use a lighter value to create contrast. I pulled out different colours in the reflection of the spectacles and layered these with broad vertical paint strokes. I not only added tonal variation but also mixed in yellows and greens to add variation and interest to the background.
The end painting loses something of Alex from her photo, but I still think it did a good job of capturing her. I enjoyed letting myself be rough and loose with the jumper, which so easily could have turned into an exercise in over-detailing.
Portrait Five - Ebonie Allard
I knew that this portrait would likely be the final one of this project given my time constraints, so I wanted to make sure I finished with a sense of purpose and energy. This made Ebonie a perfect subject, as she's walked many paths in her life and now sits in a place where she really focuses on being as authentic as possible. She is a vibrant and spiritual person, and I wanted to capture those aspects. She was thrilled to be part of the project, and let me use any of her press photos from her website.
This had its own challenges, as those photos were already curated. I spent a good deal of time trying different combinations for the composition. I settled on one which felt like it had a lot of life, incorporating elements from her tattoos into the overall composition.
When I selected the canvas tone, I decided to go for a halo effect again, but this time laid it down with much-looser swirls. Given the amount of blue in my colour rough, I decided to use an orange tone, which I hoped would give a sense of warmth and energy to the rest of the portrait. Again, after drawing directly onto the canvas with a filbert brush I used palette knives and broad brushes to block in the underpainting.
I thought that a landscape aspect would work better for this portrait. I chose a mint green colour for the background and instead of laying down with vertical marks, I opted to put them down in a radial manner, like energy or sun rays. I also scribbled in True Love, which is tattooed on one of Ebonie's hands - should I not be able to make those tattoos legible I wanted to make sure that sentiment was captured.
When it came to the detailed layer, I had to be careful where I was going to add detail. I ended up leaving a lot of the floral headdress in its rough state, it had lots of energy which would be lost trying to copy every last leaf. I didn't use the rake brush this time, instead, I decided to use a small round brush to add the impression of strands of hair. I didn't just do highlights, making sure to add darker tones to give the hair a sense of complexity.
The hardest part of the painting was the blurry hands. I think if I had tried to copy these, I would have made way more mistakes than I did. Instead, I tried to break it down into areas. I would often make my eyes go blurry to reduce the area into more abstract shapes and blocks of colour. By the time I had finished all the different areas, the image came back together, and I think the hands read well without having too much detail.
Ebonie is an artist herself, and I spent time before starting the painting getting a sense of her work, and some of the choices she likes to use. I noticed she uses a dotted line motif fairly often, so I decided to add that to the picture, creating an energy halo around her. The background itself just needed some lighter tones and splashes of colour. I think overall this painting was very successful and cohesive.
Seen as a group of five paintings I think the series captures the inner world well, and have a visual language that reads across each of the paintings. I have really enjoyed making them - a lot of the time I was in a state of hyperfocus, which allowed me to get a lot of satisfaction and be very productive. Finding a digital programme that lets me create as if I had traditional media has been a revelation, and I will continue to explore this avenue.
I am really pleased to have a sense of momentum with my coursework again, and I'm looking forward to reading the feedback on this project from my tutor. I think the performance art aspect has allowed me to start to unlock parts of my personality again and the positivity has bled through into my day-to-day life. My symptoms of rejection sensitivity dysphoria have improved significantly, and if nothing else I think that makes this project an amazing success. My brain is slowly but surely being retrained and I am learning how to lean into my gifts rather than mask them.
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