It's been some weeks now since I completed my Critical Review assignment. I'm in the early stages of my next module, and the different structures of the two modules have prompted me to come back and write my final reflection on Visual Exploration.
On the whole, I can't say that this module has been one of my favourites. I actually feel like both my creativity and 'artistic muscle memory' have atrophied. The early sections of the module tried to get me to let go and play, which I don't think by the end of this module I have been able to accomplish successfully in the context in which the module was written. I just come away feeling like there is an assumption that everyone explores in the same way.
Structure is critical for me. I need to feel like there are boundaries, constraints, or a problem to solve. When I'm inside those borders, play comes a lot easier. I also think that reframing things as experiments is more useful that play. It's not like I don't like playing - I love it. But the module's early stages felt like being forced to play. If I'm being forced then it's no longer play as far as I am concerned!
Likewise it was often very unclear what the learning objectives were for each part. If I didn't know what I was expected to understand from the work, then it's impossible to explore and come up with my own ways of getting to that point.
The one thing that I liked from my Level One modules was the way that it brought me to the table and encouraged me to do lots of things. This helps with structure and activation. Once at the table, staying in flow is easier and my work sparks more creativity and enthusiasm. With this module, I felt like jumping through hoops. I was not inspired to be spontaneous until the self-directed work at the end.
As such, I felt like a lot of my practical skills withered too. I barely used my sketchbooks and felt little joy for observational drawing or plein air painting. Coming in to my next module, it feels like more like an 18-month sabbatical than coming off of the back of a module. This is very disheartening as it has affected my overall motivation and momentum for my whole degree.
Things started to shift when things became more self-directed. I think in my projects I managed to explore the realm of digital creation effectively, and I was pleased that I was able to still look at more traditional painting as I had originally hoped, despite having to change the approach to a digital version. I think the blend between physical and digital has become more developed in my practice, and I am keen to explore this more in the Illustration 2 module.
I am coming up with new ways to solve problems, particularly when planning out work. Combining photography with my work has been useful, both from a reference point of view, but also when creating mockups etc. I also really enjoyed exploring the 3D space and think there are lots of opportunity there to develop my practice.
In terms of incorporating exploration into that digital space, doing 'random on purpose' through chance is not something that appeals to me. The times when I have discovered an interesting approach and truly felt that my train of through was generative was when my brain latches onto something and sends me down a rabbit hole.
This uses my propensity for getting distracted to my advantage. When I go off on a tangent my brain is latching onto something. It's during these times where it is constantly asking itself "what if". So if I can have a reliable way of knowing when to stop and come back to the main path, this is a natural way for me to explore.
The other very successful aspect was the development of my "Spindrift" alter ego. This has been extremely freeing and has sometimes been the essential permission I have needed to give myself to try things in new ways, to let go of expectations and embrace the enjoyment that comes from making things. I still think that I need to loosen up, and I think there is an unresolved conflict between my brain wanting things to be crisp and realistic, and my natural tendency to be messy.
Whilst I am happy to leave this module behind, I am confident that it has changed my practice and my approaches. I am masochistically grateful for the pain and challenges it has presented me. They have taught me resilience and confidence. Sometimes the only way to better understand what you do like is to identify the things that you don't!
It also gives me a chance to look forwards: The next module gives me a chance to explore lots of different aspects of illustration, which is another chance to open myself up to opportunities that I might not have considered or appreciated.
I would like to cultivate aspects that I already have an affinity with like sequential illustration and digital art. I think there is a good opportunity to get those sketchbook muscles working again. I am actually really looking forward to it. The main thing I want to revisit is giving myself permission to be silly, to be messy.
In doing that I think I will be better equipped to explore and discover what it is I want to say with my work. I think especially to the things that have become prominent parts of my life - my background in medicine, mental health, neurodiversity, sci-fi and fantasy, roleplaying and games. There is much to be excited about, and despite all the challenges, I feel like this module has equipped me to really embrace Illustration 2.
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